Scenario 1: Going trick-or-treating with the 5 ex-candidates
Ron Paul: He shows up in his campaign/fandom shirt (you know, the one with love written on weirdly within the word revolution). The individual opens the door, takes a look at the shirt, and looks up confused. The following conversation takes place.
Individual (slowly): "Um... that's not a word."
Ron Paul (confused):"You've never heard of revolution?"
I: "No... I mean, that 'e' and that 'l' are backwards."
RP: "Yeah, whatever... it's the land of free speech. Now give me some candy."
I: Free speech. Yes. But your shirt is in gibberish. I can't tolerate that. Sorry, your costume is utter fail!"
The door slams, and Ron Paul looks up sadly. "I guess it's time to crash a new party." REJECTED!
Mitt Romney: Mitt Romney, trying to clear up misconceptions about Mormonisms, decides to use some reverse psychology, going dressed up as a polygamist (taking a couple female friends along as "wives"). The individual at the door looks up shocked. Romney quickly breaks into a defensive speech about how he's not polygamist and how it is just a show to try and clear misconceptions. The individual listens carefully, and sees that it makes sense. So he starts to give everyone some candy. Mitt takes it, and then looks at the individual angrily. Out comes a burst about how he gave Massachusetts a much better health care system, and how it is being abused now by everyone eating so much candy. The individual looks shocked as Romney fires the Almond Joy back at him and yells out "No one understands me!" He is later seen at the store buying his favorite drink... bottled water from Aquafina. REJECTED!
Hillary Clinton: Hillary Clinton shows up at the door looking like her normal self. The individual opens the door and looks at her, obviously wondering what the costume is. Hillary starts the conversation quickly, announcing that she's "happy". The individual doesn't get it, and nor do you. Hillary quickly explains that she's decided to try and be one of those people that's always happy, even if it doesn't all go her way. The individual asks why she didn't dress like something else, maybe a cat or something, like all the other little girls. Hillary looks at her, and then slowly responds that the only other costume she could think of was Monica Lewinsky. Pressed further, she responds "If nothing else, it could improve my chances with Bill." The individual breaks into laughter (along with everyone else around), and then shuts the door. The situation made her forget about the candy, and Hillary rushes home to prepare for another election. You go home candy less. REJECTED!
Al Gore: Al Gore goes trick-or-treating dressed up as a scientist. The individual at the door is impressed, and asks what he studies. Gore quickly responds that he's studying global warming, and lists a couple facts. The individual looks at him and mentions that the facts all sound made up, because he's never heard them before. Gore counters, saying that at least half of them are true. "What about the other half?" is the question on everyone's mind, and Al knows it. Looking around, he finally pulls out a ton of graphs that back up everything he's said. The individual at the door notices that some of the graphs are just lines on a graph paper, with no labels or anything. Gore looks shocked at getting caught, and runs away yelling "I invented the internet." You just looked on shocked, forgetting about your candy in the process. REJECTED!
Ralph Nader: Ralph Nader, hoping to get his name out, goes as himself. The individual at the door asks what he's dressed as, and he says "Ralph Nader". The individual looks up and says "Who? Ralph... is that the name of the farmer down the street?" Ralph is completely taken aback, realizing that his name definitely isn't getting around. He turns to explain, the individual quickly explains that it's rude to dress up as neighbors, and slams the door. REJECTED!
Scenario 2: You go trick-or-treating at the ex-candidates house. Why do you get turned away?
Ron Paul: You dress up in the best costume you can find, that of Bugs Bunny (you had a long day, and didn't have much time to look). You show up at Ron Paul's house, and the door slowly opens after you wait for a bit. He looks outside, and when you yell "trick or treat!" the door opens fully. He comes out, looks at you, goes back inside, and returns a couple seconds later with a small book. He hands it to you, you look and see that it is the Constitution. You look up confused, and he smiles at you. "Nowhere in there does it mention giving away free candy. Now leave." You go home dejected, having gotten nothing but a copy of the Constitution, something you already have.
Mitt Romney: In a brilliantly planned costume, you show up at Mitt Romney's house (coincidence) dressed either as a character from Brokeback Mountain or a character from Zack & Miri Make a Porno. Romney doesn't get the costume, you explain it. The Brokeback Mountain one takes a bit longer to explain. Romney seems disgusted, but applauds not only your costume, but your ability to make up an entire story to go with it. You stare back confused. He then hands you the Book of Mormon. You tell him you don't want it, as you've told the many missionaries that have stopped by your house. You're there for candy, after all. He says he'll go get some if you keep the book and read it. You promise that you will, and put it away. You look back up, and he's back inside. He smiles, mentions that he's changed his mind, and shuts the door.
Hillary Clinton: You show up to her house dressed as Monica Lewinsky. Both Bill & Hillary are there when the door opens. Bill invites you in, Hillary glares at both of you and then slams the door shut. There wasn't even enough time to say "trick or treat". You hear the door unlock as you turn around, and you quickly turn back around, hoping for candy. You see Bill, he mentions that he has a treat inside. You run away yelling, or at least wondering what you did to deserve this.
Al Gore: Being the Halo fanatic that you are, you dress up in a costume as a character from the Red v. Blue series. You show up at Al Gore's house, and he asks what you are. You explain, and he looks at you. "Isn't there a 'green' team?" he asks? You quickly explain that there isn't he comes back with a couple of sheets of paper and a candy bar. The first sheet of paper is a bus pass. He tells you to use it instead of driving so that you help the Earth. You thank him. The second piece of paper is a website where you can check your carbon footprint. You thank him for that as well, and fold it and put it in your pocket, along with the pass. You look back up... and Al Gore is eating the candy bar! You look some combination of shocked, tired and confused. He quickly explains that he can't give you the candy bar for fear that you might eat it on the way to the next house and litter. He shuts the door, and you head on dejected.
Ralph Nader: You go dressed up as a protester, with a sign protesting the 2-party system. Nader is definitely impressed, and asks if you'll vote for him. You explain that it's just a costume, and that voting for Nader would be equivalent to throwing your vote away, so you can't do that. Nader gets angry, starts shaking, and yells out that giving you candy would be equivalent to throwing it away, and shoves the candy in his mouth (wrapper and all) and glares at you before slamming the door. You walk home in tears, ditching the sign in the Clinton's front yard.
After what has to be the worst Halloween ever, you head back home. You see other people with candy, and your siblings have some at home too. They offer to share, but you say no thanks, being too tired to even realize that they just offered you some candy. There's a knock on the door, and everyone turns to look as your dad opens it. And you just stand shocked as the door opens and Bill Clinton stands there before you all.
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